When I don't feel particularly sad, is it that I am not bothered enough, or that my defence mechanism has become too strong? Try to accept it and move on. I cannot cannot cannot afford to hold anyone too tightly or I will never be myself? I'm not even solving the root of the problem. Distancing myself from others is not the right way to help me be myself.

It's hurting but there is no way I can show it. Maybe the most painful thing is to feel a certain way when everybody else assumes you are not. And you can never, ever say it out. Ever. AHHHHH and do I ever tell anything to anyone do I do I do I. I need this song.

Crystal Castles - Not in love

Ahhhhh maybe I should find one day and get it out.